$3055.00
Wonderful...
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Windfalls
Blah blah blah, haven't updated in a long while, blah blah blah.
At least now I finally have some interesting things to write about. The biggest development is that I hit some money in Florida's lottery. God, it feels so good to be able to write about it without worrying about who is going to read this! Well...no-one reads this so I figure I'm pretty safe. Anyway, I was one of three winners of Fantasy Five, which is our "low rent" lottery game; it's a daily drawing of 5 out of 39 numbers. Since I had to split it, I won in the neighborhood of $82,000 - which after taxes came to a nice check for around $61,000. Considering that's more than I make in a year, it was a nice boost to my income. I'm doing all the typical things with it: paying off bills, helping out family, buying various toys that I've always wanted, etc. The biggest thing I plan on doing with it is putting a nice chunk into retirement since the only thing I have put away now is some money left over from my last job's 401K program. Yeah, the toys are nice (one of which I'm definitely going to expand upon in a bit) and it's nice to get out from under much of my debt but really, my favorite thing so far has been helping out my family and friends. So far I've taken care of a couple of debts for my Mother, gave some cash to my sister to help her out, taken my friends on a subsidized gambling trip...and needless to say, everybody's going to have some terrific presents this year. One of the most fun things I've done yet was to take my Mom's partner and my sister out to the supermarket, instructed them to each grab a shopping cart and just fill it with groceries. It cost me over a thousand dollars between the two of them but it was just fantastic watching them trying to get everything into their vehicles. Doing stuff like that doesn't just give me peace of mind, it's just plain old fun being able to spoil those around me, even if I know it won't last forever.
Of course my motives aren't all altruistic. The day after I claimed my money I bought my biggest toy so far. I drove down to a local Apple store and picked up a 17-inch MacBook Pro...and I am now in love. I've wanted a good laptop for a long while now (almost going so far as to put myself further into debt by financing one through Dell) and after Apple started putting Intel processors into their Macs I've wanted one. So I combined two geek lusts into one and picked up my new baby. It's been a little over a month and I think I can safely say that I have now become a "switcher". OS X is just so damned nice, from it's sweet desktop to it's Unix underpinnings, anytime I use anything else now I miss my Mac. Even nicer, with Apple's Boot Camp I don't have to give up PC gaming and this little silvery beast has been able to handle any game I've thrown at it in either OS X or Windows XP. I really have become a convert; I'm even been considering picking up an iPod, regardless of the fact that I'd have no real use for one...and I'm not even going to get into how badly my geek lust is burning for an iPhone. Being the ridiculously sentimental fool that I am, I now look over at my old PC that I used to proudly dual-boot Windows XP and Kubuntu Linux on and just shake my head sadly. At least it's still going to good use as a wireless file server...well, until I just bite the bullet and pick up the iMac I've been eyeing as a replacement.
Along these lines, one thing I did want to mention was the whole hassle of controlling what I say to certain people. I know when it comes down to it, I really didn't win that much. Winning $61K is not really what one would call a "life changing event", more like a "life enhancement" more than anything. The problem is that a lot of the people that I associate with, either by choice or otherwise, don't have a whole lot of money to throw around. My ex-wife is a great example. She and her new husband are actually doing quite alright financially with their own business, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if she knew I came into some money, regardless of the fact that my debts to her are long since paid, she'd do her damnedest to try and get a piece of it. So I have to lie to her and, even worse, my daughter about what I'm doing and how I'm paying for things. My sister is another person who will try to get a piece of anything anyone else has. Hell, even after telling her I won less than I actually did, when I gave her a check for a thousand her first response was "this is it?" I've had to lie to her as well, telling her that the majority of my money is already gone into retirement and I can't touch it anymore. The saddest part of this was during a point that my ex-wife was talking about sending my daughter down here for the summer because they were having problems getting along. My sister immediately pipes up with the idea of my daughter staying at her house so they could have all kinds of fun with various activities, she could take her to her church (that's a story in itself) and of course, she'd need some extra money for groceries and she'd need help with stuff she had planned. The thing is I really like spending money on other people, I've had a fantastic time helping out the people that are close to me. However, at the same time I'm already at the age where I should have had a decent amount of money in retirement. I don't, so I need to take advantage of this little boost I've been so fortunate to get and plan for my future. My mother, I'm more than happy to help out; she doesn't have a ton of time left on this world and if I can help her live a little more comfortably on her fixed income, even if it's a short-term thing I still feel like it's worthwhile. My sister and her husband make just about what I and my roommate make, which means to me that they should be able to live fairly comfortably if not extravagantly. I don't think it's selfish to tell her what I need to avoid her making a grab for what money I have left. There are definitely times I'm amazed we grew up in the same family.
Wow, I really didn't mean to turn this into a rant about my sister but I guess when the ideas start flowing you've got to either get them out or bottle them up and anyone who knows me personally will know that I'm not real good at keeping things bottled up. At least I found something to write about this time! Other than all this, there's really not a whole lot happening in my life. I still have the same shitty job, I still live in the same house with the same roommate and the same cat. I'm planning on a taking a nice little vacation in a little less than a month which I'm really excited about since it's something different from the same old trips to New York to see my daughter (although I still plan on taking more time a month later to drive up and see her anyway). I am going to try to write more often, especially since I now have a nifty portable method of doing so (I even love the keyboard on this thing!). Finally, as my posting time will reflect, I still stay up far too late for my own good. Gotta love it.
At least now I finally have some interesting things to write about. The biggest development is that I hit some money in Florida's lottery. God, it feels so good to be able to write about it without worrying about who is going to read this! Well...no-one reads this so I figure I'm pretty safe. Anyway, I was one of three winners of Fantasy Five, which is our "low rent" lottery game; it's a daily drawing of 5 out of 39 numbers. Since I had to split it, I won in the neighborhood of $82,000 - which after taxes came to a nice check for around $61,000. Considering that's more than I make in a year, it was a nice boost to my income. I'm doing all the typical things with it: paying off bills, helping out family, buying various toys that I've always wanted, etc. The biggest thing I plan on doing with it is putting a nice chunk into retirement since the only thing I have put away now is some money left over from my last job's 401K program. Yeah, the toys are nice (one of which I'm definitely going to expand upon in a bit) and it's nice to get out from under much of my debt but really, my favorite thing so far has been helping out my family and friends. So far I've taken care of a couple of debts for my Mother, gave some cash to my sister to help her out, taken my friends on a subsidized gambling trip...and needless to say, everybody's going to have some terrific presents this year. One of the most fun things I've done yet was to take my Mom's partner and my sister out to the supermarket, instructed them to each grab a shopping cart and just fill it with groceries. It cost me over a thousand dollars between the two of them but it was just fantastic watching them trying to get everything into their vehicles. Doing stuff like that doesn't just give me peace of mind, it's just plain old fun being able to spoil those around me, even if I know it won't last forever.
Of course my motives aren't all altruistic. The day after I claimed my money I bought my biggest toy so far. I drove down to a local Apple store and picked up a 17-inch MacBook Pro...and I am now in love. I've wanted a good laptop for a long while now (almost going so far as to put myself further into debt by financing one through Dell) and after Apple started putting Intel processors into their Macs I've wanted one. So I combined two geek lusts into one and picked up my new baby. It's been a little over a month and I think I can safely say that I have now become a "switcher". OS X is just so damned nice, from it's sweet desktop to it's Unix underpinnings, anytime I use anything else now I miss my Mac. Even nicer, with Apple's Boot Camp I don't have to give up PC gaming and this little silvery beast has been able to handle any game I've thrown at it in either OS X or Windows XP. I really have become a convert; I'm even been considering picking up an iPod, regardless of the fact that I'd have no real use for one...and I'm not even going to get into how badly my geek lust is burning for an iPhone. Being the ridiculously sentimental fool that I am, I now look over at my old PC that I used to proudly dual-boot Windows XP and Kubuntu Linux on and just shake my head sadly. At least it's still going to good use as a wireless file server...well, until I just bite the bullet and pick up the iMac I've been eyeing as a replacement.
Along these lines, one thing I did want to mention was the whole hassle of controlling what I say to certain people. I know when it comes down to it, I really didn't win that much. Winning $61K is not really what one would call a "life changing event", more like a "life enhancement" more than anything. The problem is that a lot of the people that I associate with, either by choice or otherwise, don't have a whole lot of money to throw around. My ex-wife is a great example. She and her new husband are actually doing quite alright financially with their own business, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if she knew I came into some money, regardless of the fact that my debts to her are long since paid, she'd do her damnedest to try and get a piece of it. So I have to lie to her and, even worse, my daughter about what I'm doing and how I'm paying for things. My sister is another person who will try to get a piece of anything anyone else has. Hell, even after telling her I won less than I actually did, when I gave her a check for a thousand her first response was "this is it?" I've had to lie to her as well, telling her that the majority of my money is already gone into retirement and I can't touch it anymore. The saddest part of this was during a point that my ex-wife was talking about sending my daughter down here for the summer because they were having problems getting along. My sister immediately pipes up with the idea of my daughter staying at her house so they could have all kinds of fun with various activities, she could take her to her church (that's a story in itself) and of course, she'd need some extra money for groceries and she'd need help with stuff she had planned. The thing is I really like spending money on other people, I've had a fantastic time helping out the people that are close to me. However, at the same time I'm already at the age where I should have had a decent amount of money in retirement. I don't, so I need to take advantage of this little boost I've been so fortunate to get and plan for my future. My mother, I'm more than happy to help out; she doesn't have a ton of time left on this world and if I can help her live a little more comfortably on her fixed income, even if it's a short-term thing I still feel like it's worthwhile. My sister and her husband make just about what I and my roommate make, which means to me that they should be able to live fairly comfortably if not extravagantly. I don't think it's selfish to tell her what I need to avoid her making a grab for what money I have left. There are definitely times I'm amazed we grew up in the same family.
Wow, I really didn't mean to turn this into a rant about my sister but I guess when the ideas start flowing you've got to either get them out or bottle them up and anyone who knows me personally will know that I'm not real good at keeping things bottled up. At least I found something to write about this time! Other than all this, there's really not a whole lot happening in my life. I still have the same shitty job, I still live in the same house with the same roommate and the same cat. I'm planning on a taking a nice little vacation in a little less than a month which I'm really excited about since it's something different from the same old trips to New York to see my daughter (although I still plan on taking more time a month later to drive up and see her anyway). I am going to try to write more often, especially since I now have a nifty portable method of doing so (I even love the keyboard on this thing!). Finally, as my posting time will reflect, I still stay up far too late for my own good. Gotta love it.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Party on, dude
I had my first party in a long time today and it turned out to be a very different experience than the one I was expecting. See, I have this thing that I call "party anxiety" which I suppose is a remnant of the parties I used to go to when I was younger; as the party approaches I start getting afraid that I'm going to go and not have anyone to talk to and end up bored and miserable in a corner somewhere. Why I'm like this, I'm not sure - I can be really outgoing when I'm in the right situation, even with new people. I think it just becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy: I get nervous about being bored at a party, so when I go I'm nervous so I don't socialize and end up being bored at the party. I probably need to just loosen up, maybe take advantage of alcohol's value as a social lubricant, I don't know. Regardless, that's not the real point of this post.
When I started getting that feeling of dread once again I decided to look at this party a little differently; I made up my mind that I was going more as a writer than a guest. In most parties, there's little stories going on all around. This person talks to this person, this girl flirts with this guy who is oblivious to her advances, this woman gets a little too drunk and starts spewing forth with personal details no-one ever knew about her. All around there are little dramas going on which could be used as parts of a bigger story or even become stories in themselves. This is really the first time I decided to do something I don't normally so I could get more experiences to add to my writing and, to my surprise, I started really looking forward to the party and the rich material that awaited me there.
Naturally, it turned out to be a complete bust...at least for the writer side of me. The party itself was actually pretty nice. Our friend had a great time doing the "Halloween Thing", hiding himself as a prop to scare people coming in and even converting his small garage into this remarkably elaborate haunted house. There weren't too many people and the ones that I actually talked to turned out to be pretty cool. The food was great and plentiful, nobody got really drunk and there weren't any real awkward moments. Maybe this is the type of party that goes on once you get a little older. Or maybe we're just boring - something I don't mind all that much, as there are times that "boring" is not such a negative thing as it once was. The only unfortunate part to the whole affair is that my inner author left relatively unfulfilled.
Edit: Ouch, I just realized how dry and boring this whole entry was, which I think was the point. I'm discovering more and more how much I need to start experiencing new things...or if I can't do that, at least use some imagination to make things more interesting. But even with the time change it's too late tonight, so I'll have to think about this and write more bullshit later.
When I started getting that feeling of dread once again I decided to look at this party a little differently; I made up my mind that I was going more as a writer than a guest. In most parties, there's little stories going on all around. This person talks to this person, this girl flirts with this guy who is oblivious to her advances, this woman gets a little too drunk and starts spewing forth with personal details no-one ever knew about her. All around there are little dramas going on which could be used as parts of a bigger story or even become stories in themselves. This is really the first time I decided to do something I don't normally so I could get more experiences to add to my writing and, to my surprise, I started really looking forward to the party and the rich material that awaited me there.
Naturally, it turned out to be a complete bust...at least for the writer side of me. The party itself was actually pretty nice. Our friend had a great time doing the "Halloween Thing", hiding himself as a prop to scare people coming in and even converting his small garage into this remarkably elaborate haunted house. There weren't too many people and the ones that I actually talked to turned out to be pretty cool. The food was great and plentiful, nobody got really drunk and there weren't any real awkward moments. Maybe this is the type of party that goes on once you get a little older. Or maybe we're just boring - something I don't mind all that much, as there are times that "boring" is not such a negative thing as it once was. The only unfortunate part to the whole affair is that my inner author left relatively unfulfilled.
Edit: Ouch, I just realized how dry and boring this whole entry was, which I think was the point. I'm discovering more and more how much I need to start experiencing new things...or if I can't do that, at least use some imagination to make things more interesting. But even with the time change it's too late tonight, so I'll have to think about this and write more bullshit later.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Great, more bitching
I know I bitch about my job quite often; sometimes I wonder if it's due to having a really horrible job or if I just hate working for someone else. Then I look around my job, look around at the people and realize that no, it's definitely the job.
Yesterday was a bit of a breaking point for me and it started before I even went into the building. When the owner of my company moved into this place, he apparently didn't have the ability to figure out the ratio of potential employees to parking spaces; in other words, there was nowhere to park. This is a fairly common occurance here, especially since I come in later than most - but yesterday was a little different. I could have parked in the lot just fine, but the owner's "assistant/girlfriend that he left his wife and kids for" parked her gigantic SUV in just the right way to force the person next to her to park in a way that, betweenI know I bitch about my job quite often; sometimes I wonder if it's due to having a really horrible job or if I just hate working for someone else. Then I look around my job, look around at the people and realize that no, it's definitely the job.
Yesterday was a bit of a breaking point for me and it started before I even went into the building. When the owner of my company moved into this place, he apparently didn't have the ability to figure out the ratio of potential employees to parking spaces; in other words, there was nowhere to park. This is a fairly common occurance here, especially since I come in later than most - but yesterday was a little different. I could have parked in the lot just fine, but the owner's assistant/girlfriend-that-he-left-his-wife-and-kids-for parked her gigantic SUV in just the right way to force the person next to her to park in a way that, between the two of them, would take up three spaces. Then the owner decided to just say "fuck it" and take up two spaces himself with his huge, ugly as hell Mercedes SUV (as an aside, don't those and the H2/H3/H-whatever seem as though the driver is saying "hey, fuck you and fuck wind resistance, I can afford getting 3 miles-per-gallon, I'm RICH!). Never mind the fact that about four spaces are taken up with broken down work vehicles that the owner is too cheap to either repair or tow away. While waiting for a workvan to get through the driveway so I could back out and try and find a spot somewhere else, I came close enough to just driving home out of disgust that I had my phone out calling my coworker to let him know I was taking a sick day. Luckily (for him or me?) he didn't pick up which made me feel guilty about the idea because I figured he was busy and I didn't want to screw him over. So I parked across the street in the driveway of another business or something.
I get into work - late, of course - and start getting my computer up and running. Normally it just takes a reboot and everything is working, but not this week. This week my computer doesn't want to see the network...and since I keep forgetting this, after I wait for the longer-than-usual reboot cycle I have to then shutdown the system, wait a few seconds, then power it up and pray. Yeah I know, big deal, it's just another inconvenience...but here, it's almost expected. But this is what you get when all your network infrastructure was bought used on eBay. Of course, this wouldn't matter if we had a competant I.T. guy in the office; even a part-timer would be helpful. But no, we have this guy who shows up maybe once every couple of months to patch up everything that went tits-up in the meantime. Hey, at least our firewall is working great so we can't waste time surfing the web...oh wait, by now everybody has found a login to bypass it.
The great/horrible thing is that there are lots of great examples of what a shitty place this is. There's the sink downstairs in the warehouse/breakroom that has big signs all over it stating "OUT OF ORDER - DO NOT USE"...for the past month. There's the other sink in the men's room that has had the hot water shut off for the past two years because it causes the faucet to drip - and don't you dare turn it back on. There's the addition that was built to the upstairs floor that hangs over the warehouse that has had dripping air conditioning ductwork since it was built several months ago.
Employee relations are just peachy as well. When you start here, you'll generally make insultingly low wages. When it comes time for your evaluation (and a raise), they'll delay it as long as humanly possible and then give you the bare minimum possible. In fact, the best way to get promoted and/or decent money is by doing a reasonably competant job and then turning in your two-weeks notice (it worked for me!). But why would you want to leave when you could stay and have the owner watching your every move with his network of video surveillance making sure you don't even THINK about slacking off. And if you're a young attractive female hired as the owner's assistant, you can either fuck him or get constantly barraged with off-color comments until the CURRENT assistant gets jealous and convinces the owner to fire you!
Argh...I'm doing nothing but venting now and really, this is just a waste of space. My big breakthrough is to realize that I just simply don't care anymore. I did when I started, then I lost it after almost a year and a half. Then I got it back when they made me manager and gave me that fat raise...and now it's gone again. I guess it shows that money can only blind someone from an incredibly shitty job for only so long.
Anybody want to hire a wannabe writer with gobs of tech support & customer service experience?
Yesterday was a bit of a breaking point for me and it started before I even went into the building. When the owner of my company moved into this place, he apparently didn't have the ability to figure out the ratio of potential employees to parking spaces; in other words, there was nowhere to park. This is a fairly common occurance here, especially since I come in later than most - but yesterday was a little different. I could have parked in the lot just fine, but the owner's "assistant/girlfriend that he left his wife and kids for" parked her gigantic SUV in just the right way to force the person next to her to park in a way that, betweenI know I bitch about my job quite often; sometimes I wonder if it's due to having a really horrible job or if I just hate working for someone else. Then I look around my job, look around at the people and realize that no, it's definitely the job.
Yesterday was a bit of a breaking point for me and it started before I even went into the building. When the owner of my company moved into this place, he apparently didn't have the ability to figure out the ratio of potential employees to parking spaces; in other words, there was nowhere to park. This is a fairly common occurance here, especially since I come in later than most - but yesterday was a little different. I could have parked in the lot just fine, but the owner's assistant/girlfriend-that-he-left-his-wife-and-kids-for parked her gigantic SUV in just the right way to force the person next to her to park in a way that, between the two of them, would take up three spaces. Then the owner decided to just say "fuck it" and take up two spaces himself with his huge, ugly as hell Mercedes SUV (as an aside, don't those and the H2/H3/H-whatever seem as though the driver is saying "hey, fuck you and fuck wind resistance, I can afford getting 3 miles-per-gallon, I'm RICH!). Never mind the fact that about four spaces are taken up with broken down work vehicles that the owner is too cheap to either repair or tow away. While waiting for a workvan to get through the driveway so I could back out and try and find a spot somewhere else, I came close enough to just driving home out of disgust that I had my phone out calling my coworker to let him know I was taking a sick day. Luckily (for him or me?) he didn't pick up which made me feel guilty about the idea because I figured he was busy and I didn't want to screw him over. So I parked across the street in the driveway of another business or something.
I get into work - late, of course - and start getting my computer up and running. Normally it just takes a reboot and everything is working, but not this week. This week my computer doesn't want to see the network...and since I keep forgetting this, after I wait for the longer-than-usual reboot cycle I have to then shutdown the system, wait a few seconds, then power it up and pray. Yeah I know, big deal, it's just another inconvenience...but here, it's almost expected. But this is what you get when all your network infrastructure was bought used on eBay. Of course, this wouldn't matter if we had a competant I.T. guy in the office; even a part-timer would be helpful. But no, we have this guy who shows up maybe once every couple of months to patch up everything that went tits-up in the meantime. Hey, at least our firewall is working great so we can't waste time surfing the web...oh wait, by now everybody has found a login to bypass it.
The great/horrible thing is that there are lots of great examples of what a shitty place this is. There's the sink downstairs in the warehouse/breakroom that has big signs all over it stating "OUT OF ORDER - DO NOT USE"...for the past month. There's the other sink in the men's room that has had the hot water shut off for the past two years because it causes the faucet to drip - and don't you dare turn it back on. There's the addition that was built to the upstairs floor that hangs over the warehouse that has had dripping air conditioning ductwork since it was built several months ago.
Employee relations are just peachy as well. When you start here, you'll generally make insultingly low wages. When it comes time for your evaluation (and a raise), they'll delay it as long as humanly possible and then give you the bare minimum possible. In fact, the best way to get promoted and/or decent money is by doing a reasonably competant job and then turning in your two-weeks notice (it worked for me!). But why would you want to leave when you could stay and have the owner watching your every move with his network of video surveillance making sure you don't even THINK about slacking off. And if you're a young attractive female hired as the owner's assistant, you can either fuck him or get constantly barraged with off-color comments until the CURRENT assistant gets jealous and convinces the owner to fire you!
Argh...I'm doing nothing but venting now and really, this is just a waste of space. My big breakthrough is to realize that I just simply don't care anymore. I did when I started, then I lost it after almost a year and a half. Then I got it back when they made me manager and gave me that fat raise...and now it's gone again. I guess it shows that money can only blind someone from an incredibly shitty job for only so long.
Anybody want to hire a wannabe writer with gobs of tech support & customer service experience?
About damned time
Finally, finally, FINALLY I'm able to get this thing looking halfway decent again. Even after my last "fuck the sidebar" post it was still very disheartening to pop onto this site and see what shit it looked like and VERY frustrating to not be able to do anything about it. And hell, that's as good of an excuse as any as to why I haven't written anything substantial here in so long.
Damn, now I really want to write a bunch more stuff here but it's already almost 2am and I have to get to bed. I will drop in this comment that comes from being too tired and having the television on in the background for far too long: Prime Rib, while being incredible, is not "the king of all the meats" you mouthbreathing moron. I've never had a Quizno's sandwich I liked and I hate them even more for that commercial. But I did like that odd little squirrel thing that used to whore for them so they live...for now.
Damn, now I really want to write a bunch more stuff here but it's already almost 2am and I have to get to bed. I will drop in this comment that comes from being too tired and having the television on in the background for far too long: Prime Rib, while being incredible, is not "the king of all the meats" you mouthbreathing moron. I've never had a Quizno's sandwich I liked and I hate them even more for that commercial. But I did like that odd little squirrel thing that used to whore for them so they live...for now.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Stupid sidebar
By the way, fuck the sidebar in it's stupid bottom-hugging ass. I've just wasted the last hour and a half trying to figure out how to fix the motherfucker and can't figure it out for the life of me. I have small images, I don't have long URLs...just fuck it, I don't give a shit at this point, I'm just too fucking aggravated.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Oh look, a blog!
Okay, so I haven't written in this thing for a very long time. The lack of an outraged deluge of emails protesting my inattention to this site had nothing to do with it, believe it or not. Upon further reflection, I think my main reason for not writing can be traced to my current job: it sucks your soul and gnaws away at your sanity until you are nothing but a brainless mass, going through the motions of actual thought and returning home to stare at mindless sitcoms and the next big crime drama show.
The funny thing? I had an opportunity to leave and, despite any principles I may have, I passed on it after being offered more money here. In short, I find an awesome job through a friend, I apply and interview for same job and they love me, I turn in my resignation at my current job who then comes out of nowhere with an offer that is frankly more money than I've ever earned in my life, I realize how many bills I'm behind on and how shitty my car is and rescind my resignation. So yes, although I've been crying for years about how our dependence on money is just sad and pathetic, I turn out to be just another whore for the right amount of said cash and a rather meaningless middle-management title.
It really is a lot more money, though.
Despite my bitching, the job really isn't as bad as I make it out to be. Wait, that's not true...it's worse. I've just become more adept at dealing with it. With the worry of stretching the pathetic amount I was getting paid now gone, I've found that my tolerance for the amount of bullshit that goes on in this place has definitely gone up; for the most part when things start aggravating me all I have to do is think of my paycheck and suddenly, magically, the aggravation evaporates away! Really though, I figure that if I can stick it out here for at least a year, that will be one year of management experience on my resume that I can then take and parlay it into a decent job with a real company if I so desire.
In the meantime, I'll continue working on the things that I truly enjoy doing...like this writing thing. Eventually I'd like to start putting things on this site that aren't internal monologues, i.e. game reviews and discussion, Linux stuff or whatever geeky stuff I'm into at the time. Maybe I'll use a different site for that, now that I think about it. I'd hate to write something that a lot of people really like and have everybody and their grandmother critique my self-centered ramblings. I think I will keep this site as my "pressure valve" and a way to just throw ideas out there. Better yet, a place where I can just sit down and type whatever comes to my mind and vomit it out onto a site with a potential to reach millions of readers.
Yeah, great idea.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Insert coin
Ah, the promised land is upon us again: the three-day weekend. The land of milk and honey, the land of getting an extra day free from the slavery we suffer through in order to pay bills for stuff we no longer have, the land where you can almost feel like you're more than a corporate drone in the great machine that makes the rich richer and delivers the rest of us products and services that we never thought we needed.
God, do I hate my job.
Actually I think I just hate working, period. No, that's not so true either - I'd love to work if I were doing something I really enjoyed, I just haven't found that job yet. My very first real paying job was the closest I've ever come to true happiness in the workplace: I worked as an attendant in a video arcade. Now keep in mind that I was all of fifteen years old, I think, and this was during the arcade boom of the early eighties. We had state-of-the-art entertainment like Ms. Pac Man, Phoenix, Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong 3...it was a high-tech paradise in the middle of backwards DeLand, Florida. And I got to come in one day every weekend and open up the place, making change and handing out tokens. I would even come in early, something I haven't done with a job since...but then again, coming in early here meant that I'd be able to use the little stash of free tokens the owner would leave me and play games before opening up the place. The job didn't pay very well but to a nerdling such as myself it was a slice of heaven.
Of course, these days you'd be lucky to find an arcade worth stepping into, much less working at. To Central Florida's credit we actually have a few good ones around here but really, it's just not the same anymore, what with gaming consoles pushing out gaming experiences which rival or even beat those you can find in arcades, although there are still great gaming experiences out there to be had. Personally I've always been in love with the more immersive games, i.e. racing and other simulation-type games, as without spending a couple hundred dollars you're not going to be able to duplicate that experience at home. Truth be told, however, I really don't go into arcades as much anymore. I guess it's that self-consciousness you get when you're in your mid-thirties playing games in an arcade surrounded by kids less than half your age with more than twice your skill. Despite the cries of "The Death of the Arcade" spouted for the last ten years I don't see them going away anytime soon. Which, to me, is a good thing.
Now I want to go home and play some videogames. What a life.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Catching up yet again
Once again, another valiant effort shot to hell by my laziness. I am, of course, writing of my resolution to write for fifteen minutes a day - something I obviously haven't been able to keep up with. I don't really have an excuse other than being distracted by other stuff: I've been playing a free trial of City of Heroes (and enjoying it immensely) as well as dabbling in a couple of classic RPGs on my GBA (Final Fantasy I & Zelda 3) and spending the usual amount of time bullshitting with Michelle or doing half-a-hundred other things. I could have all the excuses in the world but the simple fact is that if I don't continue writing I'll never get myself to the point to where I try doing this shit professionally. So I guess the easy conclusion is that I need to write more often. FUCKING GENIUS!
City of Heroes is a blast, even if it is a little one-dimensional. For those readers who haven't heard of it (no-one since I have no readers) CoH is an MMORPG based around...well, being a hero. A superhero to be more exact, with a large variety of power types and customizations to make your character as unique as possible. Depending on your point of view, the best or worst part about the game is that there's really nothing to do but fight - there's no crafting system, there's no loot or items at all, there's not even any money (although "influence" is a pretty close substitute). You just beat stuff up, usually to great satisfaction whether you're running around defending helpless pedestrians from purse-snatching muggers or teaming up with other superheroes to take down an evil villian and his henchmen. Beyond the gameplay, the part that I have tons of fun with is the character creator - I've already created several heroes with widely varied looks and powersets. In fact, I've been planning on writing a detailed origin from the point of view of my main character "StinkPalm" here for a while - I'll have to get around to that sooner or later for no other reason that it'll be fun. My only problem is that my three week trial is almost up and I'm really debating on buying/subscribing to it despite my money situation. I'll have to get back to that one.
By the way, Blogger finally answered my tech support request about my entry regarding my trip to New York: basically, I'm boned. I'll have to delete it when I get to a computer with real actual Internet access (I'm writing this entry from work). I'm not too upset about it as I wasn't necessarily all that happy with it to begin with; I just hated losing all the work that I put into it. At least this will give me even more of an impetus to actually sit down and write more.
Okay, back to pretending to work.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Meanderings of an old mind
This'll be a short one, I think. I just wanted to write something to assuage my guilt over not writing anything for the last couple of days. Mainly I've been staying up later than usual bullshitting with the roommate but I'm also somewhat bummed about losing a good part of my New York story but when I look over it I almost don't mind rewriting it, as I'm pretty certain that I could do a much better job if I just put some time into it. I'll give Blogger a couple more days to see if they respond to my service request and if I don't get anything, I'll just delete the damned thing and start over.
I've had a rough week at work and am very glad it's just about over, if you couldn't tell from my previous post. Things have been busy as hell the entire week and I'd have to say that I'm no longer pissed at RJ - my ire is now directed at my supervisor Betty for assigning him to go work on a stupid camera demonstration system in the conference room for the past couple of days, leaving us shorthanded while she gallivants around the office chastising people for even the slightest bit of slack. Between her, the horribly shitty phone system and every other ridiculous thing that happens in the office (and would take several days to write about), I'm starting to think I'm just about done there. My roommate Michelle seems to feel the same way - she suggested I look into applying as a dispatcher for the local police department. It's an idea I've thought about several times but now that I'm in a shitty job the idea attracts me. Not only would I get better pay, better benefits and an actual retirement package but something tells me I'd get plenty of material to write about without ever getting off my fat ass. How can you beat that? I think I'll have to pick up an application and see what happens. If I leave this job, I'd love to get contact information from a couple of people there; without overinflating my self-importance, I'd be interested as hell to see how things go without me to take so many damned calls.
One last thing: I just saw that we have our first tropical storm of the season - "Arlene". Looks like it's heading directly north from the Cuba region, probably heading for the Alabama/Mississippi region if it makes it up this far. And shit, I just realized that Michelle will be heading for Biloxi on another of her gambling junkets this coming week. Hope everything either clears out or goes away by then...unless it brings her luck. Then again, everything seems to bring her luck when it comes to gambling. My roommate, the luckiest person I've ever met and yet I can't seem to get her to win me the lottery. Dammit.
I've had a rough week at work and am very glad it's just about over, if you couldn't tell from my previous post. Things have been busy as hell the entire week and I'd have to say that I'm no longer pissed at RJ - my ire is now directed at my supervisor Betty for assigning him to go work on a stupid camera demonstration system in the conference room for the past couple of days, leaving us shorthanded while she gallivants around the office chastising people for even the slightest bit of slack. Between her, the horribly shitty phone system and every other ridiculous thing that happens in the office (and would take several days to write about), I'm starting to think I'm just about done there. My roommate Michelle seems to feel the same way - she suggested I look into applying as a dispatcher for the local police department. It's an idea I've thought about several times but now that I'm in a shitty job the idea attracts me. Not only would I get better pay, better benefits and an actual retirement package but something tells me I'd get plenty of material to write about without ever getting off my fat ass. How can you beat that? I think I'll have to pick up an application and see what happens. If I leave this job, I'd love to get contact information from a couple of people there; without overinflating my self-importance, I'd be interested as hell to see how things go without me to take so many damned calls.
One last thing: I just saw that we have our first tropical storm of the season - "Arlene". Looks like it's heading directly north from the Cuba region, probably heading for the Alabama/Mississippi region if it makes it up this far. And shit, I just realized that Michelle will be heading for Biloxi on another of her gambling junkets this coming week. Hope everything either clears out or goes away by then...unless it brings her luck. Then again, everything seems to bring her luck when it comes to gambling. My roommate, the luckiest person I've ever met and yet I can't seem to get her to win me the lottery. Dammit.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
An interlude of release
I don't feel like going into the whole New York thing again tonight; I'm a bit tired and I know that it'd take much longer than I feel like writing. So...a brief random interlude between parts!
I have an admission to make: I'm extremely lazy. My perfect life would involve me being independently wealthy and never having to work again. When I was out of work (and supposed to be working on my tech support business) the majority of my time was spent playing around with the computer all day and absolutely enjoying being able to sit around and do nothing if I so desired - really, the first time I had been able to do this in years. I imagine that if I ever won the lottery, my first year would probably be spent playing games, watching TV and generally being a fat lazy fucking slob.
Now that I've made this admission, I have to complain about a coworker of mine. He goes by the initials "R.J." - I despise people who use initials instead of their name, once you're an adult if your real name bothers you so much go and have it legally changed. Today was a typical Monday; we received a ton of calls for stuff that happened over the weekend while the office was closed. We were also down one person as he had requested to take the day off, which was fine. RJ, however, decided he didn't feel like taking many calls today and instead did what he does best, which is socialize with anyone and anything he can. Normally, I wouldn't mind something like this too much - I might bitch a bit here and there but hey, I'm a slacker too. However, being as busy as it was today I took a ton of phone calls while he sat, chatting and every so often emitting his trademark idiot laugh as others might use punctuation. Even though I'm lazy I do know when work needs to be done and when I'm forced to do all of it while some prick kid is busy trying to get his dick wet my blood pressure skyrockets to astronomical levels (or so it feels - I don't actually sit with a measuring instrument or anything).
I think one of the most frustrating things about this whole problem is the guy apparently doesn't even need this job. Judging by the comments he's made and the various trips he's been taking, his family seems to have a good amount of money. I'm not one to begrudge anyone from having a more extravagant lifestyle than I have - I'm pretty happy with the way I live and even with a ton of money, I'm not necessarily sure that I'd want this to change. The frustration level does rise, however, when you're trying to do a decent job because you really do need the job and it's made harder because you have to depend on some yutz who could just leave and not be bothered if people come down on him too hard. Not that that would happen; my boss is extremely happy with his work because he's very willing to be her "do-boy" and carry out all the physical tasks around the office.
So I continue to get frustrated, aggravated, annoyed - there's a shit-ton of synonyms I could use here. And the worst part of the whole ordeal is that if I don't get something else going, i.e. a solid writing career, I'll be dealing with this sort of shit for the rest of my life because, with varying details, this happens in almost every office one will work in. Ahh...my ulterior motives come out at last!
Not that I needed to vent or anything like that.
I have an admission to make: I'm extremely lazy. My perfect life would involve me being independently wealthy and never having to work again. When I was out of work (and supposed to be working on my tech support business) the majority of my time was spent playing around with the computer all day and absolutely enjoying being able to sit around and do nothing if I so desired - really, the first time I had been able to do this in years. I imagine that if I ever won the lottery, my first year would probably be spent playing games, watching TV and generally being a fat lazy fucking slob.
Now that I've made this admission, I have to complain about a coworker of mine. He goes by the initials "R.J." - I despise people who use initials instead of their name, once you're an adult if your real name bothers you so much go and have it legally changed. Today was a typical Monday; we received a ton of calls for stuff that happened over the weekend while the office was closed. We were also down one person as he had requested to take the day off, which was fine. RJ, however, decided he didn't feel like taking many calls today and instead did what he does best, which is socialize with anyone and anything he can. Normally, I wouldn't mind something like this too much - I might bitch a bit here and there but hey, I'm a slacker too. However, being as busy as it was today I took a ton of phone calls while he sat, chatting and every so often emitting his trademark idiot laugh as others might use punctuation. Even though I'm lazy I do know when work needs to be done and when I'm forced to do all of it while some prick kid is busy trying to get his dick wet my blood pressure skyrockets to astronomical levels (or so it feels - I don't actually sit with a measuring instrument or anything).
I think one of the most frustrating things about this whole problem is the guy apparently doesn't even need this job. Judging by the comments he's made and the various trips he's been taking, his family seems to have a good amount of money. I'm not one to begrudge anyone from having a more extravagant lifestyle than I have - I'm pretty happy with the way I live and even with a ton of money, I'm not necessarily sure that I'd want this to change. The frustration level does rise, however, when you're trying to do a decent job because you really do need the job and it's made harder because you have to depend on some yutz who could just leave and not be bothered if people come down on him too hard. Not that that would happen; my boss is extremely happy with his work because he's very willing to be her "do-boy" and carry out all the physical tasks around the office.
So I continue to get frustrated, aggravated, annoyed - there's a shit-ton of synonyms I could use here. And the worst part of the whole ordeal is that if I don't get something else going, i.e. a solid writing career, I'll be dealing with this sort of shit for the rest of my life because, with varying details, this happens in almost every office one will work in. Ahh...my ulterior motives come out at last!
Not that I needed to vent or anything like that.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Requisite pet picture, part 2
Okay, now I'm really getting lame. Here's a picture of Bobby, my Mom's bird. He enjoys singing and screaming at the top of his little birdy lungs.
Waiting
Yup, at the repair place again. Thursday morning when I came out of my house to go to work I found a nice flat tire on my car and unfortunately, despite how I've been trying to learn more about car repair, this is just one of those things that you may as well get fixed for you. Now I'm late for Matthew's birthday party. I knew I should have went to bed earlier.
Random late night blatherings
Ah hell, looks like I did it again - stayed up much later than I wanted to. I've got a lot to do tomorrow too; I have to get a new tire for my car, check my transmission fluid, pick up a present for my nephew and attend his first birthday party over at my Mom's house. So instead of going to bed an hour ago as I had planned I instead took care of my weekly bills (putting them off until much too late at night) and spent a half-hour browsing LCD monitors that I'll never actually buy. I didn't even have time to play any games, something I'd been looking forward to doing all night.
And you think YOU have it rough?
Actually, I'm very cognizant of how well things are going despite the self-deprecation I occasionally find myself falling back on. I may not be making the kind of money I'd like to be, I may feel a certain degree of loneliness at times, I may even just get frustrated by the times I'm living in. However, when I start examining my current place in life I really can't complain much. I'm living in a great house with a friend so close she's all but family, I have tons of toys to distract myself with, I have a great family that loves me. I've been in much worse situations in my life - and there are plenty of people out there that are currently in much more horrible places than I could ever imagine. When it really comes down to it, somehow I've been pretty damned lucky.
So I've got that going for me.
I know I was going to write about my New York vacation but I haven't felt like going into anything deep for the past couple of days, probably because by the time I'm logging into this site I'm already pretty tired. I've also seen a couple of news stories I wouldn't mind kvetching over but I think they'll have to wait a bit also. That's the beautiful thing about this site: no-one reads it so I have no-one to disappoint!
Wait, no. That's actually really sad.
Ah well, I can live with it. I do have tons of material to draw on and write about, though, which is the true beautiful thing about writing here. Even on a night like tonight where I just want to go through my fifteen minutes and get to bed without really writing anything of substance, I can still squeeze out several paragraphs of bullshit.
Speaking of which, there's no way I'll be able to concentrate on writing now; Buck Rogers is on and is delightfully cheesy, as usual. BRIGHT SHINY OBJECT! MUST GO LOOK AT IT!
And you think YOU have it rough?
Actually, I'm very cognizant of how well things are going despite the self-deprecation I occasionally find myself falling back on. I may not be making the kind of money I'd like to be, I may feel a certain degree of loneliness at times, I may even just get frustrated by the times I'm living in. However, when I start examining my current place in life I really can't complain much. I'm living in a great house with a friend so close she's all but family, I have tons of toys to distract myself with, I have a great family that loves me. I've been in much worse situations in my life - and there are plenty of people out there that are currently in much more horrible places than I could ever imagine. When it really comes down to it, somehow I've been pretty damned lucky.
So I've got that going for me.
I know I was going to write about my New York vacation but I haven't felt like going into anything deep for the past couple of days, probably because by the time I'm logging into this site I'm already pretty tired. I've also seen a couple of news stories I wouldn't mind kvetching over but I think they'll have to wait a bit also. That's the beautiful thing about this site: no-one reads it so I have no-one to disappoint!
Wait, no. That's actually really sad.
Ah well, I can live with it. I do have tons of material to draw on and write about, though, which is the true beautiful thing about writing here. Even on a night like tonight where I just want to go through my fifteen minutes and get to bed without really writing anything of substance, I can still squeeze out several paragraphs of bullshit.
Speaking of which, there's no way I'll be able to concentrate on writing now; Buck Rogers is on and is delightfully cheesy, as usual. BRIGHT SHINY OBJECT! MUST GO LOOK AT IT!
Friday, June 03, 2005
Too damned late
Argh. I knew that when I promised myself that I'd write for fifteen minutes each day that I'd end up staying up later than I should to do it. Admittedly, I've been staying up far too late all this week anyway so one more day shouldn't kill me, despite how much I feel like shit.
I've always been enamored with the idea of staying up late, ever since I was a child hoping to get to stay up past midnight. There was always something magical about midnight; the thought that I'd get to experience a new day right when it happened was somehow intoxicating. Of course when I finally got the chance 12:01 really didn't feel a lot different from 11:59 but I knew that I was a little more of a grownup that night.
Since then I've always seemed to end up staying up long into the wee hours of the night, usually doing such constructive things as playing games or just watching the idiot box. These days I'm usually just browsing the web, either finding something of interest that I can't get away from or getting hooked on a message thread or two over at the Something Awful Forums. Of course, there's always regret the next day when I have to wake up for work but during the night, I could literally stay up for hours doing the silliest shit.
For a while I thought my attraction to staying up late was because I hated ending whatever I was doing so I could sleep but I've realized that when I'm tired, I like to sleep (imagine, what a novel concept!). I think if I had to put it into words it's the feeling that at 2AM in a small town like Oviedo, you are the sole owner of the world around you. There's few cars driving by, the house is empty save you and the cat - you can do what you want when you want. Although I love my roommates, I value my alone time - staying up until the wee hours of the night is the best place to find it.
Argh again, somehow I've messed up the text entry in this damned Blogger text editing box and I'm too tired to get it working right. Now it's truly time for bed.
I've always been enamored with the idea of staying up late, ever since I was a child hoping to get to stay up past midnight. There was always something magical about midnight; the thought that I'd get to experience a new day right when it happened was somehow intoxicating. Of course when I finally got the chance 12:01 really didn't feel a lot different from 11:59 but I knew that I was a little more of a grownup that night.
Since then I've always seemed to end up staying up long into the wee hours of the night, usually doing such constructive things as playing games or just watching the idiot box. These days I'm usually just browsing the web, either finding something of interest that I can't get away from or getting hooked on a message thread or two over at the Something Awful Forums. Of course, there's always regret the next day when I have to wake up for work but during the night, I could literally stay up for hours doing the silliest shit.
For a while I thought my attraction to staying up late was because I hated ending whatever I was doing so I could sleep but I've realized that when I'm tired, I like to sleep (imagine, what a novel concept!). I think if I had to put it into words it's the feeling that at 2AM in a small town like Oviedo, you are the sole owner of the world around you. There's few cars driving by, the house is empty save you and the cat - you can do what you want when you want. Although I love my roommates, I value my alone time - staying up until the wee hours of the night is the best place to find it.
Argh again, somehow I've messed up the text entry in this damned Blogger text editing box and I'm too tired to get it working right. Now it's truly time for bed.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
A return to writing...and HUGE BLOWJOBS
I'm really rather surprised (and a bit disturbed) that it's been over a year since I've posted anything on this site. Well, not really - I've never been all that good at the whole follow-through thing - hell, I even predicted this happening in my second entry on this thing. My closet (and a good part of my room, for that matter) is a testament to unfinished projects. However, I don't mind that much; I signed up for Blogger so I'd have somewhere to put my writings when I felt like writing and I guess I haven't really felt like writing much in the past year. No particular reason other than a general moribund feel to life. But I want to write now, so here I am. In fact, I'm going to try a new goal: at least fifteen minutes of writing a day. Not that anyone will necessarily read this but it's something I feel like doing.
So a little catching up is in order, I suppose, just in case anyone ever read any of the stuff I wrote last year. My new business never really got off the ground and I cannot blame anyone but myself for that; I'm just really not the self-promoting type. So between hurricanes I took a job with a local alarm company and have been there since. It's a miserable place that seems to find new ways to suck the life and joy out of me every few days but it does help paying the bills. If I had to say something nice about the job, I'd have to mention that the incredible mundanity of the place has encouraged me to start writing again. And that's always something.
As I mentioned before, there were hurricanes last year. When all are counted I believe five actually hit the state of Florida before the season ended, although only three of those really had any affect on my life. The first and most momentous one for me was Charley; the eye passed right over us, tearing off a good portion of our roof (some part were down to the actual wood underneath the shingles and tar-paper stuff), knocking down half the backyard fence and smacking it into our screened-in porch along with a couple of trees. When it rained the next day the ceiling was also damaged by water leaking in through our now faulty roof. Of course, I was stupid enough to stay home the entire time by myself, thinking it'd be a better idea if I were here in case something happened (my roommate works with a local Police Department so she was out doing emergency-type stuff, her daughter was over her grandparents house). Great idea, that; there's nothing quite like sitting in a completely darkened house (the power naturally went out), listening to the wind howl, the roof disintegrate and the porch take a pummelling from the fence, not to mention feeling the pressure within the house rise and fall, expecting the roof to fly off or the windows to shatter inward in a hail of glass. Obviously I made it through alive although I'm fairly certain I took a couple of years off my life. Although we did have to suffer through a few days afterwards without power, it was tempered by knowing that there were many others out there that had a much rougher time than us.
The other two hurricanes that hit my area were completely different experiences, both for different reasons. When Frances came, my family and I decided enough was enough and took off for Mobile, Alabama along with many, many others. It turned out that my panic was premature - the hurricane did no extra damage and, as a matter of fact, my house never even lost power. Of course the costs of travel and lodging on a then unemployed me had their own special kind of damage. Finally when Jeanne came, I compromised and stayed at my mother's house as they weren't going anywhere either. If I remember correctly we definitely didn't get the brunt of this storm either, although the power did finally go out shortly before everything cleared up. Once again, my own house never lost power, although I've found that dealing with these huge "fuck you's" of nature is several degrees of magnitude easier when you're with family and/or friends. And I've come to the conclusion that hurricanes are a lot like swarms of bees: they're really interesting to watch from a distance but really suck when they come too close. By the way, check out the Central Florida Hurricane Center if you want to watch a bunch of really smart people figure out what goes on THIS hurricane season (which officially began today...well, yesterday now). Oy.
Okay, it's late now. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about my trip to New York after Hurricane Charley and the epiphany that resulted.
So a little catching up is in order, I suppose, just in case anyone ever read any of the stuff I wrote last year. My new business never really got off the ground and I cannot blame anyone but myself for that; I'm just really not the self-promoting type. So between hurricanes I took a job with a local alarm company and have been there since. It's a miserable place that seems to find new ways to suck the life and joy out of me every few days but it does help paying the bills. If I had to say something nice about the job, I'd have to mention that the incredible mundanity of the place has encouraged me to start writing again. And that's always something.
As I mentioned before, there were hurricanes last year. When all are counted I believe five actually hit the state of Florida before the season ended, although only three of those really had any affect on my life. The first and most momentous one for me was Charley; the eye passed right over us, tearing off a good portion of our roof (some part were down to the actual wood underneath the shingles and tar-paper stuff), knocking down half the backyard fence and smacking it into our screened-in porch along with a couple of trees. When it rained the next day the ceiling was also damaged by water leaking in through our now faulty roof. Of course, I was stupid enough to stay home the entire time by myself, thinking it'd be a better idea if I were here in case something happened (my roommate works with a local Police Department so she was out doing emergency-type stuff, her daughter was over her grandparents house). Great idea, that; there's nothing quite like sitting in a completely darkened house (the power naturally went out), listening to the wind howl, the roof disintegrate and the porch take a pummelling from the fence, not to mention feeling the pressure within the house rise and fall, expecting the roof to fly off or the windows to shatter inward in a hail of glass. Obviously I made it through alive although I'm fairly certain I took a couple of years off my life. Although we did have to suffer through a few days afterwards without power, it was tempered by knowing that there were many others out there that had a much rougher time than us.
The other two hurricanes that hit my area were completely different experiences, both for different reasons. When Frances came, my family and I decided enough was enough and took off for Mobile, Alabama along with many, many others. It turned out that my panic was premature - the hurricane did no extra damage and, as a matter of fact, my house never even lost power. Of course the costs of travel and lodging on a then unemployed me had their own special kind of damage. Finally when Jeanne came, I compromised and stayed at my mother's house as they weren't going anywhere either. If I remember correctly we definitely didn't get the brunt of this storm either, although the power did finally go out shortly before everything cleared up. Once again, my own house never lost power, although I've found that dealing with these huge "fuck you's" of nature is several degrees of magnitude easier when you're with family and/or friends. And I've come to the conclusion that hurricanes are a lot like swarms of bees: they're really interesting to watch from a distance but really suck when they come too close. By the way, check out the Central Florida Hurricane Center if you want to watch a bunch of really smart people figure out what goes on THIS hurricane season (which officially began today...well, yesterday now). Oy.
Okay, it's late now. Maybe tomorrow I'll write about my trip to New York after Hurricane Charley and the epiphany that resulted.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Friday, April 30, 2004
Empathy
There are times that I really hate not being able to truly hate anyone.
It seems that I am incapable of truly hating a person, regardless of what they've done. I don't think its that I've never had any really terrible transgressions perpetuated against me, for I have. I've been screwed in the past and I expect to be screwed in the future; such is the nature of life. But I can't permanently hold it against anyone.
For example, there's a friend of my roommate's coincidentally also named Michelle. This woman can be one of the loudest and most obnoxious people I know - I can't stand obnoxious people. She's also very selfish and overbearing at times; one of those people who can't be interested in anything that doesn't directly involve her. There's a picture of her in a collage on top of the stereo here in the living room: she's sitting at a slot machine (big gambling freak) caught in what appears to be an unplanned picture as she's not smiling. When I look at that picture, where I should feel disgust or maybe anger I only feel sadness. She has a pretty good life, but she hasn't always - she had a very rough first marriage. Also, although she doesn't realize it, she and her husband have a very heavy addiction to gambling that I fear will be the ruination of the both of them. All in all, she's not a bad person...so I can't hate her.
Another example would be my roommate's kid, Elizabeth. Tonight we got into one hell of a screaming match over something or another (the reasons were stupid and immaterial - things just escalated into loudness) and I ended up hiding out in my room until she went to bed. This sort of thing has happened before and I'm sure it'll happen again, as she is a very spoiled and selfish only child that is unable to take anyone else's feelings or desires into consideration as well as deriving great joy from finding the right buttons to press to aggravate someone whenever she's bored. But yet here I am, only a couple of hours later and I can feel no malice towards her despite the fact that I know this will happen again. She's fifteen years old and still hasn't hit puberty - a late bloomer if I've ever seen one. She's overweight and not particularly attractive in the common sense of the word. This combined with her social issues are going to give her a hell of a time in the next few years...so I can feel nothing but sympathy for her, not to mention more than a little affection after being here for almost six years and seeing her grow up.
My roomate's boyfriend: Another loud and obnoxious one, this guy isn't the brightest of bulbs and has disrupted the comfortable environment I've been living in. Yet I know he's had a troubled past including some jail time and is doing his best to try to make it despite being an ex-con.
My brother-in-law: Dumber than hell, gives my nephew/godson short shrift in favor of his own entertainment. Very selfish and inconsiderate of my sister. But I know he's not a bad guy and it must be rough living in a house full of women, not to mention knowing that you're just not as intellectually sharp as those around you.
Even this guy from high school whose name I cannot remember anymore: He would constantly bully me around, me being this skinny little geekboy with a smartass sense of humor and him being the big pseudo-redneck with a large group of friends. When I made the mistake of making an offhand comment about him in front of his girlfriend's mother (a friend of my mother's), he sucker-punched me in the face in a bowling alley parking lot, leaving me feeling completely impotent and humiliated as he and his friends cackled like howler monkeys. Yet looking back, I'm sure he had his troubles too - as I remember it, he was never the best-dressed of kids, plus the whole high school mentality will fuck up anyone's sense of values. So I can't even hate him.
There have been so many times that I've wished I could just be like others and truly hate someone, hate them with a passion, despise them with vigor and a raging fire of pure unadulterated hatred. But the most I can muster up is perhaps a strong dislike. I can hate concepts, I can hate ideas, I can hate actions...but I can't hate people.
Could be worse, I suppose...I could hate everyone and be a polititian.
It seems that I am incapable of truly hating a person, regardless of what they've done. I don't think its that I've never had any really terrible transgressions perpetuated against me, for I have. I've been screwed in the past and I expect to be screwed in the future; such is the nature of life. But I can't permanently hold it against anyone.
For example, there's a friend of my roommate's coincidentally also named Michelle. This woman can be one of the loudest and most obnoxious people I know - I can't stand obnoxious people. She's also very selfish and overbearing at times; one of those people who can't be interested in anything that doesn't directly involve her. There's a picture of her in a collage on top of the stereo here in the living room: she's sitting at a slot machine (big gambling freak) caught in what appears to be an unplanned picture as she's not smiling. When I look at that picture, where I should feel disgust or maybe anger I only feel sadness. She has a pretty good life, but she hasn't always - she had a very rough first marriage. Also, although she doesn't realize it, she and her husband have a very heavy addiction to gambling that I fear will be the ruination of the both of them. All in all, she's not a bad person...so I can't hate her.
Another example would be my roommate's kid, Elizabeth. Tonight we got into one hell of a screaming match over something or another (the reasons were stupid and immaterial - things just escalated into loudness) and I ended up hiding out in my room until she went to bed. This sort of thing has happened before and I'm sure it'll happen again, as she is a very spoiled and selfish only child that is unable to take anyone else's feelings or desires into consideration as well as deriving great joy from finding the right buttons to press to aggravate someone whenever she's bored. But yet here I am, only a couple of hours later and I can feel no malice towards her despite the fact that I know this will happen again. She's fifteen years old and still hasn't hit puberty - a late bloomer if I've ever seen one. She's overweight and not particularly attractive in the common sense of the word. This combined with her social issues are going to give her a hell of a time in the next few years...so I can feel nothing but sympathy for her, not to mention more than a little affection after being here for almost six years and seeing her grow up.
My roomate's boyfriend: Another loud and obnoxious one, this guy isn't the brightest of bulbs and has disrupted the comfortable environment I've been living in. Yet I know he's had a troubled past including some jail time and is doing his best to try to make it despite being an ex-con.
My brother-in-law: Dumber than hell, gives my nephew/godson short shrift in favor of his own entertainment. Very selfish and inconsiderate of my sister. But I know he's not a bad guy and it must be rough living in a house full of women, not to mention knowing that you're just not as intellectually sharp as those around you.
Even this guy from high school whose name I cannot remember anymore: He would constantly bully me around, me being this skinny little geekboy with a smartass sense of humor and him being the big pseudo-redneck with a large group of friends. When I made the mistake of making an offhand comment about him in front of his girlfriend's mother (a friend of my mother's), he sucker-punched me in the face in a bowling alley parking lot, leaving me feeling completely impotent and humiliated as he and his friends cackled like howler monkeys. Yet looking back, I'm sure he had his troubles too - as I remember it, he was never the best-dressed of kids, plus the whole high school mentality will fuck up anyone's sense of values. So I can't even hate him.
There have been so many times that I've wished I could just be like others and truly hate someone, hate them with a passion, despise them with vigor and a raging fire of pure unadulterated hatred. But the most I can muster up is perhaps a strong dislike. I can hate concepts, I can hate ideas, I can hate actions...but I can't hate people.
Could be worse, I suppose...I could hate everyone and be a polititian.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Beginnings
Well, here it is. A repository for my odd thoughts, ideas...hell, whatever bullshit comes into my mind. I've tried a couple of these over the years but always seem to run into the same roadblock - I run into a slow period, don't write anything in a long while, then come back and don't feel like writing a huge "why I didn't update in so long" update. With luck this won't happen this time around, but who the hell knows.
Let's start out with who the hell I am in the first place.
The story so far...
I'm a 35 year old (turn 36 in July...wonderful) geekboy, born in New York, now living in The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere, Florida. Actually the town's called Oviedo and its not a bad place to live if you like the semi-quiet life...which I do, I had enough noise growing up on (and moving back to) Long Island. Seems I've bounced between NY and FL all my life, though I think I feel like sticking around this time. I currently live with my roommate and good friend Michelle (gasp! a female roommate! and you're not fucking her? (no)) and her daughter Elizabeth who is 15 going on 8. I've been divorced for about ten years now; it was a very short marriage once I realized what a mistake it was, although it did leave me with an awesome 11 year old daughter named Rachel who lives in upstate NY with her mom, stepdad and numerous brothers and sisters and whom I don't talk to nearly as much as I'd like, even though she loves me to death. I also have a fat-assed orange cat named "Cat" or "Kitty" (hey, it's what he responds to) that is alternately my friend or my nemesis depending on mood. I'm very close with my family and a small circle of friends, but other than them I mainly stick to my own devices; I'm always either reading, screwing around with computers or playing computer/video games (which I feel is the entertainment medium that holds the most promise for the future).
I've had good times and I've had bad times but for the most part things are pretty uneventful - mostly by design.
Current Events
At the end of March I lost my job of almost three years with a startup Net-based home security company. This would normally be a horrible thing but the bonuses I received for sticking it out until the end afforded me a great opportunity: to try my hand at running my own business, home-based computer support and service. Not only has this allowed me to get out of a corporate environment that I've never truly been able to fit into (thanks to my Dad, I've got a blue-collar mindset with my white-collar talents) but it allows me to build off almost 20 years experience with messing about with these silly little boxes full of noisy bits. It's a huge step for me so I'm sure it'll come up now and again in my writings...especially considering how I have no idea what to expect. I'm very confident in my abilities to both fix anything that comes my way and deal with customers in a way that'll make them feel good about the experience though, so hopefully I won't have to retitle this thing to "Drek's Sinking Feelings".
The future...
Who the hell knows? I'll probably write about it here regardless.
Oh yeah, I figured out a way to throw comments on this thing. Feel free to advise, cheer and/or mock me as you see fit.
Let's start out with who the hell I am in the first place.
The story so far...
I'm a 35 year old (turn 36 in July...wonderful) geekboy, born in New York, now living in The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere, Florida. Actually the town's called Oviedo and its not a bad place to live if you like the semi-quiet life...which I do, I had enough noise growing up on (and moving back to) Long Island. Seems I've bounced between NY and FL all my life, though I think I feel like sticking around this time. I currently live with my roommate and good friend Michelle (gasp! a female roommate! and you're not fucking her? (no)) and her daughter Elizabeth who is 15 going on 8. I've been divorced for about ten years now; it was a very short marriage once I realized what a mistake it was, although it did leave me with an awesome 11 year old daughter named Rachel who lives in upstate NY with her mom, stepdad and numerous brothers and sisters and whom I don't talk to nearly as much as I'd like, even though she loves me to death. I also have a fat-assed orange cat named "Cat" or "Kitty" (hey, it's what he responds to) that is alternately my friend or my nemesis depending on mood. I'm very close with my family and a small circle of friends, but other than them I mainly stick to my own devices; I'm always either reading, screwing around with computers or playing computer/video games (which I feel is the entertainment medium that holds the most promise for the future).
I've had good times and I've had bad times but for the most part things are pretty uneventful - mostly by design.
Current Events
At the end of March I lost my job of almost three years with a startup Net-based home security company. This would normally be a horrible thing but the bonuses I received for sticking it out until the end afforded me a great opportunity: to try my hand at running my own business, home-based computer support and service. Not only has this allowed me to get out of a corporate environment that I've never truly been able to fit into (thanks to my Dad, I've got a blue-collar mindset with my white-collar talents) but it allows me to build off almost 20 years experience with messing about with these silly little boxes full of noisy bits. It's a huge step for me so I'm sure it'll come up now and again in my writings...especially considering how I have no idea what to expect. I'm very confident in my abilities to both fix anything that comes my way and deal with customers in a way that'll make them feel good about the experience though, so hopefully I won't have to retitle this thing to "Drek's Sinking Feelings".
The future...
Who the hell knows? I'll probably write about it here regardless.
Oh yeah, I figured out a way to throw comments on this thing. Feel free to advise, cheer and/or mock me as you see fit.
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